Burundi Progress and Blog Thoughts

We have been getting a lot of questions about where we are with our BB adoption. We really don’t have many answers at this point. We are still waiting for a referral which will be a little different than China we will not be assigned a child based on a profile. We will be given the opportunity to review a list of children within our profile and decide on the best fit for our family. For those of you who know the China system, it is similar to the way waiting child program works. We are in almost constant contact with our agency and I am sure they sigh when we call and say “OK whose turn is it to take the daily Huffman call?” It helps to hear it come from them that the program is progressing. There is so much information out there about the China program I don’t feel I need to call them about our China adoption but everything in this adoption is so new. We hope to start the paper chase officially next week, although we already have one important part the psych evaluation done (well mostly but that is a long story.)

That brings me to the blog, I normally save the tough stuff for my private blog but this is something that has been bothering me and it affects this public blog. What to do with the blog when we get a referral from Burundi? Not really a question to anyone but myself.

I started this blog with the intention of having Little Miss come home first then I figured it would be about our life with her for a while and then we would add to our family and it would transition somewhat normally. Things have changed; the long wait has caused us to explore alternate family planning, so to speak. We always knew that we wanted to have more children, but we are just adding in a different way. It feels a little like having baby #2 before baby #1. The blog has taken on the role of chronicling our daily life more than just about waiting for Little Miss What’s Her Name. Every month on the 25th there is a little celebration in my heart and on the blog that we are one month closer to her. I have not started anything like that for our Burundi Baby (BB) and it makes me feel a little guilty, although I think of him or her every day. It is the guilt that I am struggling with. Our lives are not just about the wait for Little Miss. Yes, it is an important part of our lives, but so is BB and so is just living.

I have considered starting another blog but that feels a little like splitting my life in two. I guess it comes down to the question of who this blog is for. Is it for me or is it for my children? If it is for my children then they deserve to each have their own space and become an individual person, but it is also important to show that we are ONE family. If it is for me, then everything should be continuous. Getting our referral from Burundi is just another step in my life.
So, do I change the title of the blog? It is so funny because I agonized about the name of the blog when I started it. I wanted it to grow with our lives but I never considered this little scenario.

Who would have ever guessed that we would be in the middle of 2 adoptions at once. We are going to be a multi-multi-cultural, multi-multi-racial family and I want to start on the right foot I don’t want any of my children to feel separated in our home or within our family; they will get enough of that in the outside world.

One of the reasons that this has really been on my mind the last few days is I was talking to my sister, Molly, and she reminded me that my child is alive somewhere in Burundi. He or she is just waiting for us to come make them a part of our family. Most mothers get the experience of being pregnant and knowing that there child is living although they cannot see them yet, Is this what that feels like the sudden realization that there is a little person out there somewhere that needs a mom and I am going to be that mom? I wonder what is happening in this baby’s life right now, are they happy, sad, tired or hungry. Is there someone to show them love and give hugs and cuddles? I want to be connected so desperately but I’m so worried to give my heart away again before it is real.

I want to protect myself from hurt and doing a concurrent adoption in Burundi is really a leap of faith. I’m trusting that someone on the other side of the world is going to follow through. I’m trusting in a completely new program one that doesn’t have the reliable history that China program has. I know that the China program has really slowed down, but it is still consistent and reliable. I have no idea when we are going to see our little BB, if it even happens. I have no clue how long after we get a referral we will be able to travel. I have no clue what documents that I need to gather for the paper chase, I am just going on with the belief that somewhere out there is a baby that will become part of our family someday.

Sorry no pictures in this post, if you are looking for pics check back after tomorrows Seahawks game! We are going to our first game tomorrow with Em and Ryan, it will be so much fun.