19 Months

(check back for my 19 month page my photo program was giving me fits)

19 months since our LID. What can I say, when we started this journey the people that were 19 months from their LID were getting referrals and we may now be half way there. I often wonder if we will ever be in China, I find it hard to even dream about it anymore. And although I’m excited about the prospect of parenting I find it slipping out of my fingers more and more and I begin to wonder if there is not some cosmic power that is trying to tell me something. I am not particularly down, I am just thoughtful, there has been some talk about being positive (glasses half full and empty stuff) and I know I am not always positive but personally I think that it is Ok, it is me I have never been the cheerleader, I have always been cautious and calculating and not a very big risk taker. I am not a risk taker and maybe that is why I am having trouble just blindly believing that this will happen. I honestly thought that the international adoption was the safest, least risky of our choices. I have come to the conclusion that international adoption is just as risky and just as insecure as any of the other options that are out there. I don’t think that I will feel any safer about either adoption until I am home with our children. So when I see a comment about glasses always being half full, I just want to say “Hey! You’re not drinking out of my glass, because some days my glass is filling and other days it is being poured over my head.” So if your glass is sometimes half empty that is OK, you're not alone and it does not mean that your glass can’t be half full it is just not that way now.

I started this blog to journal my thoughts, feelings and events in my life while waiting for my daughter from China, our journey has sure grown since our LID. Overall, no matter what happens I am glad to have this blog to be able to honestly chronicle feelings, frustrations, laughs, tears, hope and joy along the way.

Hope everyone is looking forward to a wonderful Thanksgiving. I know we are in this house!


Jimh. said…
Wow, nineteen months, it seems more like a bit over a year-and-a-half. I love your blog and I love you.

At least it's a short week and at the end of it, we can stuff our faces and relx.
Kelly and Todd said…
Happy 19 to you both!

I really identified with your post and couldn't agree more with your thought on the "risks" of international adoption. We no longer think of this as the "safe" choice either.

I think of the wait as a never ending roller coaster ride. There are ups, downs, twists and many crazy turns. Right now we are enjoying the ride (i.e., our glass is full), but there have been many times when I want nothing more than to get off (i.e., glass pouring out empty). Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. It's a great help to me to know that there are other waiting parents out there that experience the same "ups" and "downs" that we do.

I hope your glass starts to fill again soon, and that you both have a very happy and wonderful Thanksgiving.

-- kelly :-)
Anonymous said…
You are correct that International Adoptions are just as difficult if NOT MORE. At least with a domestic adoption you would be able to monitor it easier than an adoption some 3,000+ miles away. You are at the mercy of the adoption agency (whether they are ethical or not) and ever changing government hierarchies.
I know several people who have waited over 2.6 years for their Chinese referrals and one couple is Asian (so much for preferred treatment to Asians).
I was sold a bill of goods by my International Adoption Agency that domestic had problems, the kids were products of addicted moms who can come back at any time to get their child (actually the later is not true, once a court decree has made the child relinquished there is NO Way) I bought the marketing by the adoption agency.
Today, that agency Commonwealth and many others are CLOSED. As well as many countries are closing down or getting difficult to adopt from.
In America there are 120,000 paper ready American kids in the foster care system that are paper ready for adoption. There is no more waiting or problems than International Adoptions.
Here is a website linked up to the US Health and Human Services
some have photos of the available kids.
Happy 19 months..
Have a Great Thanksgiving..
Hugs girly..
19 months already? I swear you just posted 18 months a few days ago...what a quick month. LOL!

I hope the scan helped the 'puter and that you are able to get your scrap graphic done!
Anonymous said…
Well put daughter and I learned that you know how to express yourself in words very well. I enjoyed your whole blog and thank you for sharing your experiences. Have a great turkey day. love mom
I know what it is like when you feel like throwing that half full or half empty cup AT the person who tells you to "look at it half full". I am adopted. I have three other adopted siblings (all from different families) and find such encouragement knowing you ARE a adoptive parent who obviously loves your "Little Miss what's her name". I cannot begin to know your heart and love for this child but I know of the love my parents have for me. If they had stopped when times become rough I know I would not be here telling you to please hang on. Thank you for staying firm even when you are discouraged. I cannot wait to read the blog you will write about the moment you held your daughter in your arms. You daughter will one day thank you for not giving up on her! I am thanking you now!
I am the Director of Public Relations for a non-profit organization called World Orphans. We build family style church based orphan homes all over the world and our mission is simple E3 to reach each church…each child…each community. I would love for you to take a look at our website and let me know if you have any questions. (www.worldorphans.com) I hope you will have a glorious blessed day!

Jenna M. Howard
-Director of Public Relations

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