(check back for my 19 month page my photo program was giving me fits)
19 months since our LID. What can I say, when we started this journey the people that were 19 months from their LID were getting referrals and we may now be half way there. I often wonder if we will ever be in China, I find it hard to even dream about it anymore. And although I’m excited about the prospect of parenting I find it slipping out of my fingers more and more and I begin to wonder if there is not some cosmic power that is trying to tell me something. I am not particularly down, I am just thoughtful, there has been some talk about being positive (glasses half full and empty stuff) and I know I am not always positive but personally I think that it is Ok, it is me I have never been the cheerleader, I have always been cautious and calculating and not a very big risk taker. I am not a risk taker and maybe that is why I am having trouble just blindly believing that this will happen. I honestly thought that the international adoption was the safest, least risky of our choices. I have come to the conclusion that international adoption is just as risky and just as insecure as any of the other options that are out there. I don’t think that I will feel any safer about either adoption until I am home with our children. So when I see a comment about glasses always being half full, I just want to say “Hey! You’re not drinking out of my glass, because some days my glass is filling and other days it is being poured over my head.” So if your glass is sometimes half empty that is OK, you're not alone and it does not mean that your glass can’t be half full it is just not that way now.
I started this blog to journal my thoughts, feelings and events in my life while waiting for my daughter from China, our journey has sure grown since our LID. Overall, no matter what happens I am glad to have this blog to be able to honestly chronicle feelings, frustrations, laughs, tears, hope and joy along the way.
Hope everyone is looking forward to a wonderful Thanksgiving. I know we are in this house!