Sunday, September 26, 2010

Changing Directions

I have been waiting to write this post until we had final confirmation that everything important was sent and we were on our way.  So here it goes, where do I start, I guess the beginning works.  

If you have been following our blogs or know us at all you know that we want to have children.  We have been trying for more than 10 years and the last 4 of those years have been spent on adoption.  In the beginning we did our research and we learned as much as we thought we could and we made some decisions.  We decided that the best option for us was International adoption and specifically China.  There are many reasons for this and I in no way think that because we choose this route it is right for everyone.  There are lots of adoption options out there and all I can say is that it is an extremely personal choice. We started collecting paperwork, known in the adoption community as the paperchase, however we had to wait until I was 30 in April of 2007 to officially apply and get our Log in Date (LID).  Our LID is 4/25/07.   

At that time in China the wait for a Non-Special Needs (NSN) child was 15-18 months.  We knew the wait could get longer but never thought it would get over 2 years.  Boy, were we wrong, the wait has now grown to over 4 years.  we saw this happening quickly and as we followed more and more adoption stories we realized that a special needs adoption would work for us.  So in November of 2007 we applied to our agencies special needs program at about the same time we were researching Africa adoptions.  We waited for the SN program to get to us and then it came to a halt with our agency, China was changing their program so our agency stopped seeing lists.  

In July of 2008 we officially became a part of the Burundi adoption program with the same agency.  We were told that this was a new program but would go very quickly and we kept our place in line with China.  We were very excited and started to wait for that quick referral.  It didn't come as quickly as we would have hoped but in march of 2009 we saw the face of a little precious boy.  We quickly sent everything that was needed to Burundi and started to wait for approval so that we could go pick up our baby.  And we waited and waited and waited some more.  A couple times we got updates but nothing seemed to be moving.  We grew more frustrated with every day.    

Fast forward to about 6 weeks ago.  We were not getting anywhere with Burundi and we had to make some tough decisions.  These were not easy and it was not a good time for us.  Through a lot of soul searching we decided to start looking at SN China again.  We pretty much kept this under our hats.  We just were not ready to share, I think mostly because we did not want to cause more disappointment to our friends and family.  We could not handle telling everyone again that things did not work out.  We also knew that this meant officially saying good bye to the little boy that we had been call our son.  It was more than heart breaking and there was a lot of grieving going on. 

We wanted so badly for things to just come together but there were just too many signs that they were not going to come together anytime soon.  I just don't think Burundi is quite ready for international adoption and although there are people that are trying very hard to make this change and open peoples eyes to the benefits. The best thing for us was to move forward.  We were not the right family for this program and I think I realized about 6 months into the wait, but my love for this particular child kept me going.  At some point I had to face what I had been dreading that as much as I had fallen in love with this child and as much as I had fallen in love with Burundi, we had to walk away.  I still hope to someday visit this spectacular country and I have only the highest hopes for that little boy and all the orphans of Burundi.

Back to SN China, we looked at files on the shared list (list of SN children that all agencies can view) a couple times.  We very seriously considered a couple children but they were just not our child.  The last time we looked at the list was Monday, September 20th, the new shared list came out of Sunday night.  We did not see any matches for us.  I was depressed!  I cried, drank a glass or two of wine and cried some more.  I thought we were going to have to wait another month when the next list came out.  Jim and I thought and talked and a little deaf girl  that was 3 or 4 stuck in our heads.  We decided to go ahead and look at her file but when I called the agency the next morning she was gone.  We sent a list of more specific SNs to our agency but really figured we would be waiting another month.  That is not what happened, on Thursday at about 11:45 am I got a call at work...

to be continued!!




11 comments:

Melissa said...

Seriously?? to be continued??? I've been following your blog since October of last year. My heart has hurt for you on numerous occasions. You helped me make a decision about the course of action my adoption would take...Now I can't wait to hear what that phone call on Thursday brought about!!!!!!

Anxiously waiting for the "next episode!"

C and G said...

TBC!?!

Excited for what is ahead for you and truly truly wishing you a SPEEDY process!

I totally know what you mean when you say that it's hard to share what is going on with family and friends - it's hard to curb personal disappointment but then to bring that to others . . . it's hard!

Michelle said...

Okay, you can't just leave us hangin like this...

So excited for you guys!

ccd said...

Okay, I know what happened on Thurs. but you can't just drop the story like that... to be continued.. sheesh =D Nothing like building a little suspense. Love you sis.

Diana - FreeStyleMama said...

You are almost as bad as Jim making people wait. Get back on here and do another post! Your FANS are waiting!!!

Anonymous said...

"YES" indeed we are waiting to hear the rest of the story!!!
"A" CAROL

Lorrene said...

Cora, do you know that your daughter is a day ahead of us and her birthday is today in China.
I am pretty sure I'm right about that. Little Miss Whats her name needs a name.............

Kel said...

I have tried three times now to post a comment... this is my last attempt!!!

I cant wait much longer to hear the new Cora... I'm feeling very tearful for you!

Cindy said...

Cora....I am with everyone else...to be continued?? AHHHH?
I am sorry that you ha to leave the Burundi program. I cannot imagine it.
I cannot wait to hear about your phone call!!

denise said...

Glad I didn't check any blogs over the weekend. This cliffhanger would've killed me!

 

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