“It Seems As Though She Has Always Been Here”

As many of you may know I am addicted to blogs: I read tons and I comment on a few (probably should on more but, hey, that is me.). I love reading the stories of families that have their children home already. One common thing that I read is “It seems as though she has always been here” or some variant at some point after becoming a parent. As a first time parent I have no idea what that means. It is one of those things that I think you just have to experience to understand. Or maybe it is just me. I remember what it was like not to have pets, I can’t imagine my life without them, but I do remember. I know there are many things I can’t learn until I am actually a parent.

Some part of me wants to be completely prepared for any situation and learn everything from books and others that I can. I secretly (well not a secret anymore) say to myself “when that happens to me I will do this or do that and everything will be better when it is my turn.” But then another part of me wants the unknowns of parenthood. I want to be able to think on my feet and I don’t want to be perfect because, let’s face it, perfection is boring. I just hope I have the skills to do a good job. I know some people say all it takes is Love but really who are they kidding. Yeah Love is a huge part of it but there are parents out there that love their children but do not have the skills to discipline them or have a sense of humor to realize that situations are sometimes just funny.

My parents were not perfect but they were and are the best. I turned out pretty good I think and I hope that I can improve on their skills a bit because I think that is what they would want. I hope that I am able to balance all the skills it takes to be a good mom and that my children will appreciate someday (not until after the teenage years, I do realize that) that I did my best and I always strived to do even better. I know as an international adoptive parent I will face many challenges that my parents did not. I already have mountains of paperwork, the pregnancy of an elephant or longer, etc. but I hope to have the knowledge, skills and flexibility to be able to handle unique situations when they arise.

So I guess, what I am saying is I am up for the ride however bumpy it may be. I look forward to a day that some first time parent will be secretly reading my blog (if you do please comment, it is OK) and wonder what I mean when I say “It seems like she has always been here” I can’t wait to know what it feels like, to know what it feels like to have a child that you are responsible for in every way, to love a child like no other and to be loved back by that child.